[Pittsburgh,
PA] --
Enough time has elapsed. Now that the Dallas Stars are paying Sean
Avery to stay away, I can admit it. I laughed out loud at Avery's
infamous, impromptu press conference. It was all things awful, bawdy,
and disgusting. It was also hilarious, even if Avery does have the
slowest comic delivery since Alan Thicke. Admit it, you laughed too,
until you were told that it was wrong.
The absurdity was worthy of Monty Python.
If Avery were loved, or even liked by the Stars, this would
have quickly passed. However, Avery was not liked, and barely
tolerated by the Stars. In their eyes, this wasn't a case of the class
clown going too far. It was a case of the village idiot bringing shame
to all.
In the following weeks, the entire situation has become a Greek
tragedy, or like the last ten minutes of "Departed."
Avery will never again play for the Stars. Maybe now Marty Turco will
begin playing for the Stars. Oops, maybe I shouldn't write that.
It appears that co-GM Brett Hull, the one responsible for bringing
Avery to Dallas, could lose his job. If Canadian reports are true
(aren't they always?), Hull, formerly the Ambassador of Fun, will
soon be the Dallas Stars' "Ambassador to the Unemployed." Wait, should
I apologize for that?
With an abysmal start of the season, successful head coach Dave Tippett
has been rumored to be on the hot seat. It's not hotter than Elisa
Cuthbert's seat, or Rachel Hunter's, Willa Ford's, Anna Kournikova's
or Gina Lee Nolin's. Tippett's seat, however, is hotter than Candace
Cameron Bure's or Hillary Duff's. Wait, should I apologize for that,
too?
Perhaps Avery should be upgraded to a hurricane, to accurately measure
the destruction in his wake. In the view of most of his teammates,
Avery should have to wear "protection" over his head. He's made more people
sick than TGI Friday's. Have I found the line yet?
Lest we forget that Avery is the art lover, who interned at a fashion
magazine and wore black nail polish. Though he was still more
attractive than Hillary Clinton, and less feminine than Jeff Garcia.
Seriously, have I crossed the line yet?
Is the line different for me than Sean Avery? Why?
Western Civilization was not built on the principle of saying whatever
you like, as long as no one objects. A free people should be free to
think and act in a free manor. If something is offensive, vulgar or
harmful, business and society have a way of handing down it's own
punishment.
If the Stars contend that Avery disrupts team chemistry and is
detrimental, I believe that. I also support their right to pay him to
go away. That falls under the self policing category.
I don't support forcing a person into Soviet style "sensitivity"
training or anger management classes. I will always believe those are
tantamount to Orwellian re-education camps. Perhaps he'll be
prescribed a cocktail of little yellow and blue pills, instead.
In part, I hope you are offended; offended by my column, by Avery and
by the the punishment. I hope that a few people will evaluate how far
down this ridiculous "politically correct" path we've gone. I further
hope a few more will wonder what really happened to our ability to
speak freely.
I honestly cannot remember the last good dirty joke I've told, or been
told. My grandfather's generation thought and spoke freely, without
the constraints of an invisible moral class deciding the boundaries.
My grandfather's generation had a lot of good dirty jokes, too.
Until we get back to policing ourselves, did you hear the one about
the hooker, the priest and the boyscout? Me neither.
Daniel Kingerski is the host of The Fourth Period Radio Show and the Pittsburgh Correspondent for The Fourth Period Magazine and a Columnist for TheFourthPeriod.com.
