25 Christmas Gifts for you
Patrick Kearns lists the Top 25 gifts you can give to some of the
personalities in the NHL.
NEW YORK -- Even though the lockout has sucked the lives out of just
about everyone and everything associated with the NHL, that doesn't
mean we should all feel the doom-and-gloom during the Holidays.
It's time to liven things up a bit with the 25 Christmas Gifts for those
in the
NHL... without touching the lockout (no gifts for you, Gary).
1. John Tortorella - Larry Brooks punching bag
Alleviate some stress
before entering his press conferences.
2. John Tavares - A record player, Levi's 510's, and the entire
Pavement discography
He will have to call Brooklyn home eventually, might
as well acclimate himself to the culture.
3. Alex Ovechkin - A best of "The Count" from Sesame Street.
One
goal, two goal, sixty goal ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
4. Brian Burke - Clip-on tie
He will finally be forced to make a
decision, tie or no tie.
5. Henrik Lundqvist - A framed picture of Henrik Lundqvist
What else
can you give perfection other than perfection?
6. Bobby Ryan - Magic 8 ball
"Should I ask for a trade today?"
7. Shea Weber - A best of Wrestlemania DVD
Tips on how to finally
master the turnbuckle smash.
8. Ilya Bryzgalov - Dolphin Tale on DVD
"Dolphin tail heart-warming
movie. This is the way the world should be."
9. Jay Feaster - A time machine
Considering who's on the Flames' roster, Calgary would be
a playoff contender... in 2007.
10. Shane Doan - An owner
Can't stay in Phoenix forever if they don't have a hockey team.
11. Dustin Penner - A waffle maker
What? You were expecting a pancake joke?
12. Roberto Luongo - A Trade
It is time for Vancouver's Public Enemy No. 1 to move on.
13. Tim Thomas - Canned food
To fill his bomb-shelter with, of course. Muttering the phrase
fiscal cliff to yourself for too long can make anyone hungry.
14. Doug Armstrong - Brett Hull
Great defense, great system, great goaltending, nobody that scored
over 25 goals last season... Think the guy that scored over 500 in St.
Louis might be willing to lace them up again?
15. Scott Howson - A legitimate goal scorer
Wait...
16. Teemu Selanne - Anti-aging device
We're not ready to say goodbye.
17. Pavel Datsyuk - A twitter account
We have all been deprived of the humor Pavel possesses for too long.
18. Martin Brodeur - Zach Parise back
Going to be tough to get one last crack at a Stanley Cup Final without
Parise in N.J.
19. Sidney Crosby - Bunk beds
Mario might start letting him have sleepovers this year if he can stay
healthy.
20. Jaromir Jagr - Mullet Wig
Maybe with the old hairdo he can capture some of that early career
magic.
21. Steve Yzerman - Cloning device
Tampa would be great with four full lines of Stamkos
22. Paul Bissonette - Paulina Gretzky
Just imagine the tweets...
23. Marc Bergevin - Scott Gomez to move home
Alaska Aces could really use you, Scott.
24. Darryl Sutter - A "#1 Brother" Coffee Mug
He sits atop the Sutter family power rankings for now.
25. Steve Tambellini - A babysitter
It's going to be difficult to keep track of a bunch of young, new
millionaires. Although, it is Edmonton.
