December 4, 2007
The Mild, Mild West
  

Now don't get me wrong, I think as a live sport it's still the best. The players are without par for interviews as professional athletes go. It's just that if you look up the definition of mediocrity in the dictionary, one of them would be – see NHL's Western Conference.

And now, Your Honor, the case for the prosecution...
 

Detroit – I blew these cats up last month, so we won't kill them this time. Yeah, they got a nice sized lead in the West, they'll get they're 100 points, but let's wait until April. By the way, FOUR losses to Chicago???

St. Louis – My man Andy Murray got the Notes on a roll, 8-1-1 in their last 10. Paul Kariya awoke when he figured out he wasn't in Nashville anymore and I thought Martin Rucinsky had retired five years ago. Bad news is that Doug Weight is goalless in 24 games and you know that Manny Legace isn't gonna win you a thing.

Nashville – The Preds finally got over the depression of all their (supposed) good players leaving and are 6-2-2 over their last 10. But how exciting is it to watch a team whose leading goal scorer is Radek Bonk?

Chicago – Ah, a bright light among the bunch. If you haven't seen them yet, Jonathan Toews and Patrick Kane are the real deal, maybe it makes up for the decade of bad play and bad management. Nah, it's doesn't. But before you Hawk fans think we're revisiting the early 90's again, here is the list of the four top scoring defenseman on your squad: James Wisniewski, Dustin Byfuglien, Duncan Keith, Jim Vandermeer. Not the '71 Canadiens, eh?

Columbus - OK, THIS was gonna be the year that Columbus was going to go from pretender to contender. Goalie Pascal Leclaire pulls a hamstring and the Jackets are in the basement of the Central, again. And if Ron Hainsey is leading the team in assists, that an alternative to Ambien if I ever heard one.

Minnesota – Yep, they're smart. Yep, they're killer at home. Yep, Niklas Backstrom is one of the best young netminders in the league. But are you thinking what I am? That the Wild will get their 100 points again and score like three goals in the first round of the playoffs. Want more proof? Eric Belanger is their third leading scorer. One caveat: their most dynamic player, Pavol Demitra has been hurt, so that would make them exciting every fourth shift.

Vancouver – What more do I need to say other than their best player is their goaltender?

Calgary – What year are they going to get some real players to play with Jarome Iginla? Apparently not this one. Is Owen Nolan pertinent in the NHL anymore?

Colorado – Ever think that Joe Sakic sits in his stall in the Avs' locker room and say, "hey, where did every body go?" Paul Stastny is an up and comer with his bloodline but those 50 goal Milan Hedjuk seasons are way in the rear view mirror. And that Peter Budaj – Jose Theodore goaltender tandem isn't ridding any Avs fan of images of old #33 in the net. If you were in Denver, wouldn't you think you'd be getting ripped off watching this team after all those years of excellence?

Dallas – I'm going to enjoy this one. Their owner, Tom Hicks must have a little too much one night by whacking hard working GM Doug Armstrong and replaced him with CO-INTERIM GM Brett Hull. You must be joking. But the best part of the story is that Hull can now fail at being a co-interim GM just as he did as a broadcaster. Maybe bad guys can finish last. Poor Les Jackson, his smart CO-INTERIM GM, who may lead them to a division title and I'm sure Brett will take all the credit. They're leading the division but not selling out any more, so the Dallas fans are doing the talking with their feet and wallets.

San Jose – Hello, Jonathan Cheechoo? The net is calling, it misses you. What happened to THIS guy? With the Ducks floundering everyone expects them to the win the division but a funny thing happens to this team when expectations are placed on them. They fail, well maybe that's not so funny for the Shark Tank faithful. And come on, Jeremy Roenick, who couldn't get proper skates in Los Angeles (I love the guy he's great for the game but to blame an entire unproductive season on your equipment, please) is your second leading scorer. THAT'S exciting.

Phoenix- Wayne Gretzky is the coach. Um, I have nothing else for you, folks.

Los Angeles – My home standing Kings. If you saw me dozing off in the press box Saturday night, it's only because I was watching Michal Handzus play. They say he's playing better. One goal, 4 points. I can't skate and if you put me on the ice and I stood in front of the net, I think I'd have one goal after 25 games. Oh, you didn't know? Handzus' goal was an empty netter on opening night. Maybe GM Dean Lombardi wants to go the draft route in developing his team because his free agent deals have all been busters. Here's what gets $10 million gets you in Los Angeles through 25 games 2 goals, 11 points and a minus-23 rating, the combined stats for Handzus and Rob Blake, and for all that talk about Marc Crawford being a smart coach, the Kings play wickedly bad defense since he's got to town, they've sunk to the bottom of the conference and why do I think that with Dave Lewis on the staff, Crawford might not last the season?
 

Dennis Bernstein, the man behind SCORE! Media, is a columnist for TheFourthPeriod.com and the Los Angeles Correspondent for The Fourth Period Magazine.